Just being real, I’ve got flaws.
Lots of them.
Some are big and some are small.
I have a list of things I’m working on right now.
For example, I want to be a person who allows my husband to have his own opinions without being irritated about them.
This goal seems pretty lofty right now, but I’ll get there.
This is how I’m going to do it.
Step 1 – ACKNOWLEDGE WHEN I’M LETTING HIS OPINION BOTHER ME
We’ve heard it one hundred times, but acknowledging what we want to change REALLY is the first step.
It looks like this:
Every time my husband has an opinion and I have lots of thoughts come up, I can take a minute to think about how I want to react.
I can excuse myself, I can sit with the discomfort, I can acknowledge what’s happening in my body.
I can stay away from judgement of him, and me, and get very curious about my feelings.
Sometimes this step is hard to remember, but I get better as I practice it over and over.
Step 2 – BE WILLING TO BE WRONG
Fact. Nobody likes to be wrong.
Just kidding, it’s a thought.
But it’s true, I pride myself on being right ninety nine percent of the time.
And then I have to ask myself, “Is this really getting me what I want?”
This step definitely takes a willingness to find a some wiggle room with those strong voices in my head.
It takes playing around with thoughts like:
“What if there is a part of him that’s right, even if it’s just a teeny tiny part.”
“What if there’s a part of me that’s wrong, even if it’s just a teeny tiny part.”
“Can I be absolutely sure I’m right?”
“What possibilities could I open myself up to if I was willing to be wrong?”
Step 3 – START TO THINK A NEW, BELIEVABLE THOUGHT.
Truth. Beliefs are just thoughts we think over and over until they’re hard wired in our brains.
Sometimes it’s useful to use a laddering thought (a believable thought, like a pathway that makes it easier to travel to the goal thought).
My laddering thought could look like this:
“If my husband and I thought the exact same way about everything, life might be boring.”
“It’s funny, I feel strongly about this, and so does he.”
“His opinions are just words coming out of his mouth.”
Eventually I could ladder my thoughts to something like:
“I’m glad Todd and I have different opinions, it makes our marriage interesting.”
“I hope Todd and I always challenge each other’s thoughts. It will be a great way to keep our marriage fresh.”
“I welcome the chance to be wrong. Being wrong keeps me humble.”
Step 4- RINSE AND REPEAT
I’ll keep doing these three things over and over every time I have a thought that comes up about my husbands opinions.
Someday I will master this.
When that happens, I’ll probably spend less time being critical of him and more time making out with him.
That will be nice.
Is there something you want to change? Maybe you’ve tried to change in the past, and you keep getting stuck.
I help people get unstuck. It’s what i do best.
I won’t waste your time trying to change other people, but I can help you change anything that isn’t working in YOUR life.
Anything.
Are you ready?
