I was four. I was at my best friend’s birthday party. I got pushed down the slide. I cried. I ran to my mom.
Guess what happened next.
My mom asked me the same question anyone would ask a sad little girl.
“Did she hurt your feelings?”
This question seems harmless.
Even empathetic.
But these five words can keep us stuck in emotional childhood for the rest of our lives.
When you were a child did your parents teach you how to share?
Did they teach you how to clean your room?
How to tell the truth?
When you were preparing to leave home did they teach you how to use a debit card?
How cook a simple meal?
How to do laundry?
Probably so.
Did they teach you that you are completely in charge of your own feelings?
Probably not.
That’s because most adults haven’t learned how to be responsible for their own feelings.
You can’t teach what ya don’t know.
Are you ready for a little exercise?
GREAT.
Take out a piece of paper and a pencil.
Think about the last time you think someone hurt your feelings.
Write down the exact words they said.
Write down the most painful thought you had about those words.
Write down one feeling that was created because of that painful thought.
Write down what you actually did because of the feeling you created.
What was your end result?
I’m guessing it’s not what you wanted.
Here’s my point.
Words that come out of someone’s mouth are neutral until you have a thought about them.
WHAT?
I’m gonna need you to go deep with me.
1. Words are said.
2. Thoughts come up in our brains.
3. Feelings are created from those thoughts.
4. We react to those feelings.
5. That reaction causes a result.
In the end our thoughts are what create our results, not the words that come out of people’s mouths.
It works every time.
We can choose to be hurt because of people’s words, but words don’t have the power to hurt us.
Turns out the sticks and stones thing is true.
I know what you’re thinking. People DO say hurtful things!
Friends, we are not robots. We have feelings. We can be sensitive. We project from past experiences. We have endured trauma. We are doing our best.
Here’s the deal.
When negative emotions come up, we can spend as much time as we want with them.
All of them.
We can choose to feel hurt, sad or mad for many days if we want to. I maybe have.
The best part is when we’re ready to let it go, we know how.
It’s available any time.
This is called being in charge of our own feelings.
You have more questions, don’t you.
I get it. This took me a minute too.
But I’ll tell you one thing. This is GREAT NEWS!
Cause when you don’t allow other people to be in charge of your feelings, you get to choose to feel any way you want.
It is amazing.
It’s life changing.
Wanna know how you’re doing?
Take this little [10 question quiz]
Then let’s chat.
You’re one phone call away from having the emotional freedom you’ve dreamed of.
