After a quick weekend visit with my sister and her family, my one of my in-laws gave me a phone call. The conversation started off as an apology for something he’d said while I was there. But before I knew it, he was pointing out my entire list of flaws, each and every one.
And he didn’t hold back.
He called me out on my sub-par parenting, he told me how I was careless and controlling, and he told me that he really didn’t like me. He said we were like oil and water, and he told me it would probably never change.
After we hung up, I sat there on my bedroom floor absolutely stunned.
Then my mind went berserk.
Excuse me? Did I miss something? Who gave him permission?
Didn’t he know he wasn’t perfect?
Didn’t he remember he’s made some big mistakes?
I decided I didn’t care for him either, and my brain went to work finding all the reasons why.
The next day I told some friends all about what he’d said to me and they agreed. He had crossed the line.
Now I really liked my reasons.
We were done.
But a big ball of discomfort welled up in my chest when I saw this quote pinned up in my office.
“WE ALL EAT LIES WHEN OUR HEARTS ARE HUNGRY.”
It was exactly what I needed to wake me up.
As much as it pained me to see it, I knew my brother-in-law and I had much more in common than I thought.
It was the age old “Sister, if you spot it you got it”.
I took some time to feel my hungry heart,
[a lot of time].
Truth is I’m a messy, flawed. wounded, prideful, human being. I’m all the things he pointed out, and more.
I also realized my in-law is all those things too.
I sat with those thoughts for a while and felt all the feelings come up again.
Then I realized both of us are also amazing, loving, generous, kind, perfect, human beings.
We’re 50 percent amazing and 50 percent a mess, and we can be at peace with all of it.
It’s been a few years since that fateful phone call, and I can look back at it and just laugh.
It’s because I decided a long time ago to just love me, and love him too.
Flaws and all.
I know you have difficult people in your life. I know this because we all do.
It’s part of the plan.
It’s the plan because these people are integral parts of our experience on earth. They were placed in our lives to help us learn about who we are, and learn more about who we want to become.
THESE PEOPLE ARE OUR GREATEST TEACHERS.
Are you ready to learn how to love the difficult people in your life?
I’m ready to teach you how.
Photo by Kelly Sikkema
